Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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