she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
