thus making me awesome and them whores
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
