i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
