hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
