Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
