I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
