Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need water and some morals
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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