He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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