So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
