i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
