every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
