Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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