sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
