i need an iv and a liver transplant
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize