all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
