She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
