i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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