i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
