I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
