Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
