Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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