So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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