I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
