My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
