Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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