she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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