im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
