I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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