Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
