i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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