We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
