Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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