yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
