first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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