We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
