I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
