Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
