Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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