You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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