it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
