Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
