I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
