you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
