At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
