just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
