I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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