There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
