Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
