I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
