It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
