We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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