OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
