its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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