even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
