lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
sex in a hospital.. check
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
