well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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