My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
