Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will pee on everything he values.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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