Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
