Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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