I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
