so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Randomize
