Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
