i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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