I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
