The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
