we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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