You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
