In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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