too bad you live with your parents still
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
