I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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