We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
